They Taught Me

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Teach.com is working on a great initiative to change the conversation about the current autism statistics and sharing our stories behind these numbers. They reached out and asked bloggers, parents, and members of the special needs community to share their story of what their students have taught them. I wanted to share a post I wrote a few weeks ago. This story is so important and meaningful to me I thought it wouldn’t hurt to share it twice 🙂

My 13 loves that I spend my day with have so many obstacles to overcome – each and every day. Breaks my heart. It gives me some much needed hope and a little uplift to know that there are so many people striving to make the world a more understanding, empathetic, and loving place for my guys. Autism Awareness is about spreading the good. Sharing the little victories, the personalities, and the smiles. It’s also about sharing the hard moments, the obstacles, and sometimes the tears (yep – I had some yesterday). And raise awareness. Although it seems like most people know about autism – not everyone does. And not everyone understands.

I’d like to take a few moments to step back from classroom photos, tutorials, and curriculum ideas and share a much more important revelation I came to recently. This is much longer than I meant this to be but I realized I had a lot that I wanted to share. Now, we all know we play an important role in the lives of our students. As a special ed teacher, we often teach much more than academics. We teach our students who to communicate their wants and needs, how to make sense of what can be at times – a completely overwhelming world, and how to function independently – even if only for a few minutes. But even beyond those critical and essential life skills – our impact can go even farther. We truly can improve the  overall quality of life that our students have. Not to sounds completely sappy and sentimental – but our impact can be life changing. And in turn, their impact on us can be just as monumental. 

Let me rewind a bit for you. About five years ago, I had a new student age up to my classroom from within my building. His reputation preceded him. He was large and in charge. Name a behavior and he had it. Noncompliance, aggression, swearing, running, and the ever popular – taking off clothes. To say I was intimated is a massive understatement. I was vaguely terrified. We had a beautiful two week honeymoon phase where I saw all of the real potential and intelligence this child had. And then the fun started. Honeymoon was over and he was back to his behavioral bag of tricks. I’m not going to pretend his transformation was easy. It wasn’t. He gave me a major run for my money. But during his first year in my class, we realized how much this boy loved to be challenged, how much he needed communication training, and that creating a positive and reinforcing classroom environment was like pure gold. By the end of his first year, we had eliminated most of his behaviors.

I became close with this student’s family during this time. His guardian was his very elderly great grandmother. His mom was in and out of his life and he made it very clear (even with him limited verbal skills) that he did not care for her. His grandma was the sweetest woman I’ve ever met and loved that boy to death. But you could see the strain taking care of a teenager with autism had on her.

Years went by and this once intimidating boy developed into a sweet as pie young adult. He loved to work, was reading on a 1st grade level, and no longer used his dyavox because his verbal skills were so much stronger. Honestly – I often forgot about the punk he use to be. His grandma’s health worsened and worsened with each home visit I took. He had an aunt who lived a few doors down and I always assumed she would at some point take guardianship if anything ever happened. He also had a young, college aged sister who he adored.

Two years ago, this boy graduated and I sobbed like a baby. My big guy had grown up and was off to the big leagues. I felt confident that he would retain everything he had learned over his years with me. Last month, I saw this students at a local event and got the chance to spend some time talking to his teachers. They actually laughed when I mentioned this student’s behavior history. They couldn’t even imagine him being aggressive. I wish I had known that 5 years ago when I was getting a bookshelf hurtled at my face.

I learned his grandma had passed away and that guardianship had been taken by his sister. I was surprised since I had always assumed the aunt would take guardianship. The high school teachers said the sister had become so close with him and said that he was so easy to take care of that she was happy to become his guardian.

When I worked with this student, I knew that teaching communication and life skills was important. I knew reducing problem behavior was important. I knew making him more independent was important. But at the time – I did not realize how important it really was. He now has a secure and stable home. I have to wonder if his sister could have so easily taken guardianship had he still had those big, bad behaviors I once knew him to have. Would a 24 year old so readily taken guardianship of a teenager with autism had those behaviors been at play? Luckily – we will never have to know. I kept thinking about how our work can have a much bigger impact than we can even see. And the impact can come years down the road.

There were many, many moments where I wanted give up with this child and was completely clueless on what to do next. This child taught me that if you have high expectations people will rise to them. The family of this student taught me that there are still amazing people in the world who are willing to dedicate their lives to their loved ones. It think my job is hard and it ends at 3 o’clock. I learned to remember every day how hard the parents of are students work. The guardians and parents are the heroes who make sacrifices each day to make their child’s life just a little bit better.

Blogging in Support of Special Needs

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8 Comments

  1. Love this. Everything you say is so true. It’s so good to look back on these stories after a tough day. We do good. x

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  2. I am just sobbing. What a wonderful story Shasa. I teach severely autistic boys who range from age 6 – 11 in a very economically challenged district. I very seldom have any interaction with family members, and never get a thank you or anything remotely close to it. I love my boys and I see the potential in them each and every day. They totally amaze me beyond words and I will never give up on them. Reading your story reminds me of why I do this! Thank you for sharing.

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  3. I know! It helps on those low days!

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  4. Thank you for reading! We are lucky to have the jobs we do 🙂

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  5. Thank you for that post. My son is 6 and sounds very close to this boy this gives me hope. Thank you

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  6. Hang in there, Tammy! Thank you for reading and know that change is always possible 🙂

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  7. As a mom of twins on the spectrum …. you made me cry. Thank you for not giving up on all of us. I’m not sure you fully realize the gift you give us.

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  8. Omigosh, Holly – this comment really made my day. Thank you so much. It’s parents like you that inspire me to keep working for our kiddos! Your kids are lucky to have you!

    Reply

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