When I first started writing this blog, I was very self-conscious that my thoughts and ideas were out there in the internet world for anyone to read and judge. Many years later I honestly sometimes forget that my usually a little bit too long ramblings are put out to this mysterious unknown audience. You could probably pick up on that by the typos. I think you have to forget about it a little bit if you want to be real. And I really want to share the real story of being a special ed teacher. It’s hard to be vulnerable. And when you are putting your thoughts and ideas out on the internet – it feels like the height of vulnerability.

Like I said, my goal is always to be real. Yes, I usually try to put my best foot forward and show you all the photos of my classroom looking pristine before the real world chaos gets involved. But I also want to share some of the behind the scenes drama. I want to be real about the fact that there are some days that I really hate my job. There are some days that I just don’t know what to do with some of my students. There are some days when I cry and feel completely alone. But even in those moments, I still love my students, hold my colleagues in high regard, admire the parents, and respect this field.

I’m just not a sugar coater. At all. Never been. Never will be. I definitely don’t like to be mean but I think it’s important to be honest and straightforward. And let’s be real. This job is hard. Like really hard. Like most of your friends couldn’t handle and you are a way, way tougher person than them hard. And that’s okay. You are a complete rockstar for not only choosing this career but excelling at it. And in these hard moments – it’s okay to recognize that it’s hard. Cut your self some slack and give yourself a break. When your classroom is completely destroyed after a long tantrum or you just realized you have some you-know-what that’s not yours on your forehead after a toiling disaster (true story), don’t be too hard on yourself. This is why this job is challenging. And if you think it’s all velcro and PECS pictures these moments are going to slap you in the face (sometimes literally).

I think it’s therapeutic and helpful to share these moments. It’s good to feel like we are not alone and we are in this together. It’s good to know someone else went through the same thing and survived. When I was a first year teacher, I felt horribly isolated. My bad days typically involved an injury or some dead sprints down the hallway and I felt like absolutely nobody understood that. I also felt like I was doing something wrong when I wasn’t. And then in the middle of the chaos, the vice principal would come in and ask me if I could decorate the bulletin board down the hallway and I would look at her like she had 5 heads. Really, lady? A bulletin board? I barely have time to go to bathroom much less cut out cute alphabet letters.

And sometimes sharing these hard times might be taken the wrong way. And if you’ve ever misinterpreted something I have said, I apologize. And I have unintentionally offended people. And I have felt horrified. Never in a million years would I want to offend an individual with autism, special ed teacher, or a special needs parent. You all are my people. You are my people who get it. And in being overly honest, I only want to be helpful. I only want to help you get over the hurdle so we can start tomorrow fresh and try again.

 

One of my fav ladies on instagram – The Tutu Teacher – shared this the other day. It totally spoke to me. It is okay to love your job but hate Mondays. It is okay to struggle. It is okay to share your struggle. Sometimes a good vent sesh is all you need to recharge and start again. And that’s what it’s really all about. The ability to try again. In the wise words of Nemo – just keep swimming, just swimming, just keep swimming. Keep at it. It will get there.

These ramblings have been a bit all over the place so as any good teacher would – let’s summarize.

It ain’t always pretty and that’s okay!

It’s okay that you don’t have perfect visuals. It’s okay that you didn’t take any data this week (err… month). It’s okay that you still have Halloween crafts hanging in the hallways. It’s okay that you have Sunday night blues. And it’s okay to share it and talk about it and vent about. It doesn’t mean you love your kids or your job any less. It just means that you’re human.

So if you life feels like this – – -> sometimes, take a breath, take a walk, have some wine, eat some french fries, gab with your bestie, or shoot me an email. Get it out and move on. This job is hard and that’s why you are great at it!